Thursday, January 21, 2016

The Adventures of Sally Self-Destructive

I'm at an age where as a woman I am supposed to be in pretty good touch with who I am.  I read this in a book recently, so it must be true.  Everything they write in books is true, right?

All kidding aside, I was surprised to find upon hearing this statement, that it's actually kind of true.  I mean, yeah, I've always been selfish.  I kind of think a lot of that came from just never feeling like I fit anywhere.  I don't really remember a whole lot of times that I didn't just feel alone, inside my books, inside my bubble.  The few times I stepped out and asserted what "I wanted to do when I grew up," I was shot down.  So, I stayed bottled inside.  Missed out on a lot that way.  Was a grown up kid but turned into a childish adult.

So, all of this soul searching was sparked by the two main books I'm reading right not.  The Encyclopedia of Modern Body Building by Arnold Schwarzenegger and the Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin.  No, I don't want to enter body building competitions.  But if you want to get in shape and help others get in shape, might as well go to the master.  He may be a raging misogynist, but he knows how to grow and shape some muscle.

But as usual, I digress.  It was deep in a hot bathtub with my Kindle (because I learned after chapter 1 that I couldn't hold that beast of a book up and read it for an hour at at time) that I finally decided to admit to my self that I am truly self destructive.  Every goal I have ever set for myself I have found a way to screw it up.

For instance, I lost 30 pounds between Thanksgiving and New Year's after Skankagedden, only to gain 37 pounds after leaving the state.  I lost 24 pounds after the psycho ex in order to get into basic.  Gained it back with some more my last 3 years in the Air Force.  So, do I need a horrendous betrayal to get fit?  Do I need to be so screwed up and low and emotionally shattered to stay on a program?  What the hell is wrong with me?

I'm in school to be a personal trainer and I haven't lost one frolicking pound.  It's not that I'm that lazy, I like working out.  It's not laziness that keeps me from getting up in the morning.  I think it's more that I'm just tired of fighting, I'm tired of life being so fucking hard.  Yeah, I know, there are a bazillion people out there having a rougher time than I am.  And yeah, I'm in a better place than I was a couple years ago.  But I'll tell you this, those bazillion other people are tired of fighting too, so suck it with your judgement.

But this is how my psyche works.  I get great inspiration on how I'm going to set goals and achieve them at 1AM.  Then in the morning when it's time to step forward I'm going on 4 hours sleep, so I hit the snooze and hit it and hit it and hit it.  Did I mention I have some insomnia?

I know I need to be following an exercise program.  I'm in a group right now that I'm supposed to be working out with and what do I do?  I miss a night's sleep and give into the tired.  I am fighting off a bug I probably got from the cookie bastards at work and I taper off.  Winter hits with its snow and I don't want to leave my blanket hole in the morning, much less deal with crawling into the back corner of the living room repeatedly to drag out the equipment that I need to use daily.

If I do actually make it through a full week of doing the program and hitting the diet I load up a double barrel of pizza delivery and shoot myself in the back fat with it.  Because unfortunately, that's who I am.  Even with my best intentions and multiple tracking devices I manage to get off script and screw it up.  I know from experience that I can never, ever, ever, take my eye off the ball.  When I take my eye off the ball it rolls down a hill and into a hole that's covered by grass, leaves and right now, snow and it takes me a week and a half to find it again.

So, this is me, Sally Self-Destructive, and I've got to find a way to suffocate that bitch so that I can find the shapely and strong hard to love bitch that I started out as, because as stubborn as she was, she could actually get shit done once in awhile.

If this post makes no sense, chalk it up to the fact that I took a melatonin an hour ago and it's 1AM.  Excuse me while I got put my back fat before picture as the background on my phone for the next time I want to buy a mark down pie.

Damn those markdown pies.

Go be you, I'm gonna go be who I once had a chance to be,


Monday, January 18, 2016

Mid Month Stuff

It's the 15th and that means measurements.  Part of the New Year's Resolution stuff is to hit all my scheduled weigh-ins, measurements and progress pictures.

In spite of the pizza incident the day before my last weigh in I am down 2.26 pounds and 2.26 inches.  Strange coincidence.  Now yeah, one of the guys that is in my challenge group for this program (Hammer & Chisel) has lost 12 pounds, but he's a guy and he just came off a cruise, so I'm not going to sweat it.  (especially since I just started actually tracking my calories yesterday)

I'm encouraged to be going in the right direction even if its slow.  Usually, I've had one lapse and given up by the middle of January, but I'm working on this year being better than the previous ones.

Heck, I won $4 dollars on Powerball, anything could happen.

Zack rolling around in my lottery winnings.

Go be you, who else is gonna do it?


Sunday, January 17, 2016

Hammer & Chisel Day 9

Max Hammer Strength

OK, this is my favorite.  A pre-exhaust of each exercise followed by 8 reps with max weight.  Hard, but so much fun.

No new moves here, but most of the time traditional works, that's why it becomes a tradition.

Those Bulgarian squats showed up again.  Seriously, who is this Bulgarian and what the hell did I do to him?  I think I can safely say that they were slightly less awkward today.  I could be delusional from the lack of oxygen arriving at my brain from the pull ups.

Nine days into this program, I gotta say I really like it.  It's got variety without being too frightening and I'm starting to look at the Bulgarian squats as my progress move.  Let's see how many I can knock out today before I fall down.

still trying to figure out where they got these stupid short benches though.
Go be you, because nobody else is going to do it.


Saturday, January 16, 2016

Hammer & Chisel Day 8

Chisel Cardio

Better and worse than I thought it would be.  At my advanced weight I get really tired of jumping around really quick.  This didn't have a lot of jumping around, two rounds of burpees, that's it.  The rest of it mostly involved some weights and the first kettlebell move I think I've seen in a BeachBody workout.   But then I haven't done them all.

I definitely have a lot of places to improve on this workout, but I don't dread it next time it comes around even if it does have that awful C word in it.

I might even have gotten accustomed to Ms. Calabrese, she wasn't nearly as obnoxious in this workout.

Go be you, because nobody else is going to do it.


Friday, January 15, 2016

Hammer and Chisel Day 7

Total Body Hammer

I've been a little under the weather so I'm on a day on day off schedule until I can breathe better.  Hopefully, I'm successfully fighting off a bug, otherwise this is just sinus issues due to the inhuman winter weather.  If I hit the Powerball I'm seriously moving someone that Jimmy Buffett would approve.

But, as per usual, I digress.  Total Body Hammer, with the exception of yet more Bulgarian squats, is my favorite workout in this program by far.  All weights all the time and none of that jumping around crap.

I look forward to this next time it shows up on the calendar as I cringe every time I see a day with the word cardio in it.

Go be you, because who else is gonna do it?


Monday, January 11, 2016

Hammer & Chisel Day 6

Chisel Endurance

Felt a little beat up yesterday, so I slept in.  I picked back up today with Chisel Endurance.  I had it in my mind that this was a cardio workout, which is one reason I couldn't talk myself into doing yesterday.  Legs and ankles hurt and I didn't want to be jumping around on them given that strained both ankles pretty bad on day 2.

But, this was muscle endurance.  So far (and the near injury from day 2 factors into my opinion), this the strongest workout in the program.  Even with the same light weights that I used for Speed Hammer and Iso Chisel this program gave me some Jelly arm on the second round.  Tough and too many push ups, OK two sets of push ups.  But I think when I get good at this one it will feel like an accomplishment.

this was fun, and on the second round after everything else, I got a little bit of the Jell-O arm

I rather like this program so far, but on this first week, it's not quite as difficult as I was expecting.  But there are 50 more days....

Go be you, because who else is gonna do it


Saturday, January 9, 2016

Hammer & Chisel Day 5

Iso Speed Hammer

Iso Speed Hammer is pretty short, somewhere around 29 minutes.  I definitely suggest pulling out a little bit heavier weights for this, not your heaviest bulk workout weights, but at least mediums.  Everything is done with 10 reps with a 3 count on the eccentric and then 10 fast reps.  You don't want to be trying to whip your heaviest weights around for those 10 fast reps but there is only 1 set of each exercise so you don't want the lightest either.

So, far I like this program.  I was so sure about a rest day on day 4 already.  Yeah, I ate some garbage yesterday, but for the most part I watched serving sizes.  Had a little pizza.  Guilty.  It was a rest day I was bored <insert sheepish giggle>.  But I did stop myself after a couple of pieces of spinach bread sticks and decide to skip the pizza last night.  One slice of the leftovers today instead of two per meal.  I'm never going to be a 100% clean eater, hello! tiramisu, y'all.  I can however control portions on the bad stuff when I have it so that I don't keep completely derailing myself.

lead me not into tiramisu...
There are always going to be things that I just don't have control over, Hello again Tiramisu.  So, stuff like that, I just won't buy very often.  There are things that I need to limit to rare occasions because I know I'm going to eat the whole thing.  It's a learning process we all go through.  Pizza, I can live with one slice for dinner.  Ice Cream sandwiches, I'm gonna eat the whole box on a day off.  I leave the ice cream sandwiches at the store.  It's not deprivation, it's reality, I don't have the metabolism to eat large portions of garbage and that stuff doesn't help my body function correctly, limiting it is not deprivation, it's responsible, it's being an adult.
those damned pistol squats
I got off on a rant, I'll end with this....
 Mr. Hammer, Ms. Chisel, please get over the pistol squats so I don't have to do them anymore, Thanks.

Go be you, because who else is gonna do it?


Thursday, January 7, 2016

Hammer and Chisel Day 3

Iso Chisel Strength

The ankle that I injured yesterday seems to have forgiven me for the most part, even so I went a little light on this workout, just in case.   I am doing this program with 2 other people so I don't want to miss a day.  But I also don't want to further screw something up and be completely side lined.

That being said, of the 3 workouts I've done from this program this is my current favorite.  1.  I didn't completely embarrass myself like on the balance workout.  2.  I didn't hurt myself and end up in agony by the end of my work day.  So, yeah, this one is the current front runner.

Iso Chisel Strength is comprised of pretty basic moves and every exercise is done with a set of 10 reps followed by a 10 second isometric hold repeated three times.  The big killer for me was the push ups with the low hold and the very last easy peasy lateral shoulder lift that I decided to do with a band instead of weights.   Miiiiiistaaaaake.  Shoulders were burning by the end of that one.

By the second iso hold on each exercise I kinda wanted to cry a little, but by the third hold my mind had gone on to a happier place leaving my suffering body behind so it was all good.  Next month will be different.

Ms. Calabrese seems to be a big fan of these split lunge dip things and she needs to get over it, 'cause I hate these.  Hates them I do.  Plus she's super tiny and I'm a fairly normal height, so where did she get this bench, Barbie's dream house yard sale?  I had to use the couch because my legs are just not long enough to do these things on my weight bench.

That's my complaint for this workout, need lower bench.

Go be you, 'cause who else is gonna do it?


Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Hammer and Chisel Day 2

Hammer Plyometrics

With the exception of Turbo Fire, I am no fan of cardio.  I am also no fan of Plyometrics.  Jumping is kinda exhausting for me.  That being said this routine is only about 29 minutes long so even though its exhausting it has the added annoying factor of being too short to make excuses about not doing it.

As much as I hate plyometrics, and I do I hate them, there is something about a Plyometric workout that makes me want to do better at it next time, get one more out of it.  That fact makes me a note taking machine during these workouts, how many seconds did I go last time, how many reps did I get in last time? 5? OK we're doing at least 6 this time.  17 seconds?  Yeah, we're doing 19 seconds before we modify.

I have to think about the run tests I did in the Air Force, it was always the runs that felt absolutely horrible that I got the most improved time on.  Plyometrics is the same for me.  The third time I do this its gonna feel like I'm going to die, but I'll find out that I scored 2 more reps on almost everything.

Yeah, this was hard for me, but next time I'll be better.

The top portion of the in and outs.  I'm pretty sure I almost broke both ankles on the bottom portion.
There is a side to side version of this called the Crazy Horse in this workout that I actually surprised myself on, but I have to say I really despise the way my butt flops when I do it.

Next month it will be different.

Go be you, who else is gonna do it?


Saturday, January 2, 2016

Hammer & Chisel Day 1

Seriously though, I might have started my re-dedication with something easier.

Things I learned today:

1.  I have no balance in any way shape or form on any limb.
2.  I am incredibly inflexible, pretty much all over.
3.  This program is probably going to do more for me than I originally imagined, if I can just finish it.

bonus learning....
this is hard to control

this is impossible

this is humiliating

But in a month, this is all going to be different.

Go be you, 'cause who else is gonna do it,