Wednesday, January 28, 2015

So Sue Me

I had a come apart today.  In fact I pretty much cried most of the day.  I really didn't realize I was that stressed out.  I guess those B-Complex vitamins really work.

Everybody around me seems to be able to just seems to be allowed to stress out and be a strung out dick to people every other damned week.  So twice a year I freaking fall apart and have a good long cry.  I mean shit, I'm in pain every day.  My car decided to go on the fritz just as the semester was coming on keeping me from going back to school for yet another semester.  I'm trying to lose some weight to take some of the pressure off of whatever the mystery problem with my foot is and I can't even follow the program that works for me because I can't plan ahead for even a day's worth of meals.

I knew when I took this fucking retail job that I would end up paddling in circles for the rest of my life.  Because when you work for slave wages if one thing goes wrong you are fucked.  You are spending the rest of your life saving up to fix it.

I should have jumped out of the damned plane on the way home from England.  That is seriously what I should have done.

But I didn't, so twice a year I break down and have a good day long cry and fuck everybody if they can't let me have a come apart in between theirs.  I mean shit, my car went on the fritz and I couldn't even be stressed about it, I had to hold it together so somebody else could be stressed about it.

Shit give me a fucking pitcher of margarita and let me fucking unwind instead of constantly walking through a mine field of everybody else's emotional shit.

...and I'm spent.
Going to bed so I can be at work at 7am to not make enough to have a snack during the day without wondering how many hours worth of pay I just wasted.

Yeah, I give up,


Tuesday, January 27, 2015

What do you do when you're just done?
When you've become exhausted with fighting just to stay above water...
When you can't start over and it seems like you will never move forward...

Saturday, January 17, 2015

the Struggle goes on...

So, I got my car in for an oil change and a diagnosis.

She goes back in to get a sensor replaced and anything else that the lack of that sensor has caused since I couldn't get it fixed Thursday.  Hopefully the damage doesn't go over $150 or they are just going to have to keep it a couple days til I can ransom her.

Was so stressed out about driving my wounded car home from work that I bought two Cadbury eggs only to learn that apparently what I was craving was a huge glass of cold milk.  Could have saved myself about 500 calories there.  Live and learn.

I actually don't hate work lately even with the chronic pain in my right foot that I'm going to have to make an appointment for after the car gets fixed because there is no sense making and appointment at the VA if I can't get to it.

On the workout front I've realized that I've gotten kind of bored trying to trudge through each program so I'm going to go for a six week hybrid that is a little more total body and a little less cardio.  Cause yeah, foot.  Maybe removing some weight will help with the foot issue.  That is if I can kick my recent heavy cream addiction.  Should never have brought that in the house.  Seriously.

So, there that is.  At some point I'll destress enough to start a new blog and maybe provide something useful.



Tuesday, January 6, 2015

All Righty Then

Not even a week into 2015 and my beloved Cherokee has started making this terrifying metal on metal ticking noise.

This is me trying not to panic.

I can have a melt down or I can hope it holds out long enough for me to save a couple of paychecks.  So, much for going to school this semester.

Sweat hard folks.


Saturday, January 3, 2015


Well, 2015 started off with a leg day.  So, I'm limping even worse than usual today.  But it's a good limp for a change.

I adopted my new favorite meatloaf recipe into some meat bombs that are 21 Day Fix ready to grab and go for work.  Yay!  Markdown extra lean beef.  After I taste test them I'll share the recipe.

Splurged on a little coffee today and had a sensible serving of chicken tenders today.  The ones from work have a lot of actual meat in them instead of those preformed tenders so I don't feel bad having a (once again) sensible serving of them.

Seriously, get one.
I also had my first veggie spaghetti made from zucchini noodles that I made with my new Spirooli.  If you haven't gotten one of these yet, what are you waiting for?  Seriously.  The zucchini noodles taste better than the pasta noodles and you're exchanging like 3 servings of carbs for 1 serving of vegetables.  Given that a medium zucchini is about 33 calories and a cup of pasta will run you about 182 calories, I think it's worth a try.

So far so good.

Sweat hard folks and don't let yesterday determine your tomorrow.


Friday, January 2, 2015

So far so good

Despite being called in for work early this morning, I got my workout in.  Wouldn't you know that the first workout of 2015 would be leg day.  Leg day followed by a 10+ hour work day.  Yummy.

Came home starving.  Had some string cheese.  I think I am allotted like two with the 21 Day Fix, so that was all right.  The ramen I had with a fried egg probably not so much, but the rest of the day was remarkable tight.  That in its self is a feat given that I work in a bakery.  Got through with only one cookie.  Way better than 5 or 6 two bite brownies.  I'm probably going to have to ban the brownies from being sampled out in the bakery.  Those are straight up kryptonite.

Tomorrow, however, is a day off.  I am planning on a small splurge at Starbucks, but I may downgrade to a tall.

I totally scored with 5 packages of extra lean ground beef at work yesterday, so there may be some meat bombs in my very near future.  Maybe even a recipe.

So, far I'm ok with 2015.  But then it's usually the even numbered years that go badly for me.

Sweat hard folks and don't let yesterday determine your tomorrow.


Thursday, January 1, 2015

Happy New Year

I suppose this is time when we look back on the previous year and.....yeah.  I got nothing.  It's been a fairly uneventful year.  I find that I really don't feel the need to look back, only forward.  The past really only holds anger and a lingering yearning for vengeance.  So, I'm not looking back.  I'm looking forward.  I'm looking toward a year of building strength and cleansing.

I'm looking forward to getting my last math class done and getting my application in for my program.  I'm looking forward to a year of moving forward.  The past year was one of laying some pavement.  I starting getting some money coming in and since I've proven in the last few weeks that I am the one that can be counted on at work I will probably be getting more hours.

I'm looking forward to actually being able to save a little bit of money and to being able to be a little more helpful with the household finances.  Hell, I may even be able to have Christmas this year.

I've made a few brave choices with switching my meal planner to a workout planner and modularizing the fridge to help with my 21 Day Fix meal planning.  I'm looking forward to making meat bombs and get reacquainted with quinoa.

I'm also looking forward to getting those pesky workouts in and not missing 2 weeks out of every month.

I'm looking forward to regaining my wardrobe and my agility.  I'm not looking back at the fact that 3 years ago I could move faster and better and now I almost feel like a cripple most of the time.  I'm looking forward to getting stronger and better and getting on my way.

It's a new year and there is no time for reflection.

Sweat hard folks and don't let yesterday define your tomorrow.


Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Looking Forward

The new year is right on top of us and with it the resolutions.  I'm not making any new resolutions so much as revamping some old ones.

I've taken the past two weeks to decide what I want to accomplish in 2015 and how I'm going to get there.

Instead of that end of the year binge before we "start fresh in the new year", I've decided to ease up and be a little less strict, but not crazy.  Have some treats but not the whole treat aisle.  Relax a little while I set up to get things rolling right.  You see, we all tend to fall into that trap where we decide on a day to clean up our fitness and we binge and lay around and eat whole pies for a week before hand.  That makes it really hard to get up on day one and go cold turkey.  Really hard.  So I didn't do that this year.  This year I relaxed and I planned ahead.  Yeah, I probably ate way too much peppermint bark at work and my mom's cookies didn't last too long, but I refrained from bringing home whole apple pies with ice cream and whip cream and polishing them off with the BF in one night.  Yeah, we do that, and it's gotta stop.

So, in light of the new year I got some containers and modularized the fridge (pics after I clean it).  Now I can portion out fruits, veg, protein and starches and have them ready for snatching each day before work.

There's just a few things to nail down on the portion control....

 This is a serving of starches those are limited to 4 a day.  The mug is a standard sized 6 oz coffee cup for perspective.
 This is not a serving of starches.  This is about 8 servings of starches.  This is the reason our shirts ride up and we have to shoe horn ourselves into the last pair of we have that fit.  Starch servings are small because they make us fat.  Sad but true.  Let's move on.

 This is a serving of protein.  Generally a serving of protein is about the size and thickness of your palm.  Six of these a day.

This is not a serving size for protein.  This is a serving size for a whole meal.

This is a serving size of fruit or vegetables.

These portions may seem small but with 6 servings each of vegetables and proteins, and 4 each of fruits and starches, it adds up.  A typical meal will look like this, which is actually a plate full....

When you get down to it.  That's actually a lot of food, it's just spread evenly across the day instead of digging into a big trough sized plate 3 times a day.

So, there's the bare bones of my 21 Day Fix eating plan for 2015.  Now as my weight comes down I will be losing a couple of servings here and there.  But trust me, it's plenty of food.  

Even if you are not following the 21 Day Fix or any regimented eating plan, potion control is what is going to make or break you when it comes to your health.  You can over eat on healthy food just like you can over eat on junk food.  So instead of walking around all day slugging down 8 handfuls of grapes a day, measure out in portion controlled containers the amount you can have for the day.  That way you aren't walking around the next morning wondering why the whole bag is gone and your shirts don't fit anymore.

Sweat hard folks, and go live the remainder of this year on purpose.


Thursday, December 25, 2014

PiYo Day 45

Hardcore on the Floor

and there it is, the move I hate the most
I will perfect that crap
Yowsa.  All of the moves that I struggle with in the other workouts in one abs kicking session.  Thanks Chalene.  If I have fallen trying a move in any of the PiYo workouts I can assure you that those are going to show up in Hardcore on the Floor.
So much Beast and flipping and kicking from awkward positions.  This workout will either make you cry or give you a sense of accomplishment for doing it better than you did last time.  You choose.  Will you give up or will you take your time, put in the work and perfect this shit?  That is waht Hardcore on the Floor asks you.

Sweat hard and go live this year on purpose.


Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Hip Hop Abs Day 25

ok, nothing to do with Hip Hop Abs
but I couldn't resist

Total Body Burn

So nice to get a full body workout standing up.  Back in my late teens when I started working out (remember Body Electric, remember Kathy Smith) I always dreaded floor work.  So, even though now,  a couple of decades later, at home fitness has evolved a bit I still get a little twinge when I see them pulling out the mats.  So, while total body burn is tough it is a bit of a relief to work head to toe and spend most of the workout standing up.

Sweat hard folks and go live this year on purpose.